Remember me, Though I have to say goodbye, Remember me, Don’t let it make you cry, For even if I’m far away, I hold in my heart, I sing a Secret song to you, Each night we are apart- Coco
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Life will end for all of us. There is no doubt about that. There are no vampires, elves, unicorns or immortal beings at all. In the end, we will all have to face that lonesome truth. We all will die. I am not here to tell you that there is something else out there beyond the end because the simple truth is; I don’t know at all what is out there. No one knows if there is some heaven that awaits us all or if this is the end and someday we all return from where we started, the stars in the sky. I have no clue. What I know is that there is an end and we have to face it, some sooner than others, but in the end, we all do. No amount of money will buy you a forever, none, at least not at the current moment. Yes, with the help of science, we keep extending life further, but the way the world is currently going, how much longer do we have on this planet?
So I am not here to talk to you about bright tunnels of light, but I am here to answer some questions about the end the best that I can. I’m not an expert on dying, mostly because I haven’t died yet. Instead, I’m just some guy who has spent his whole life thinking about those last moments, about the end of the life and what it all means. I do not know if any of these answers are right or wrong. To some, these might hit the mark and perhaps some will scream at whatever device they are reading this on and get mad. Who knows? But I have tried to answer these questions as best as I can and try my best to not hold anything back.
What comes next after this life?
Honestly, I’m not sure what will come next. I feel very split on this topic. A part of me wants to believe that there has to be more, that this can not be it. So much about life makes little sense if this is it, if we are only a random clump of stardust. Was the idea of God just something that we all made up at different points as humans? I want to reject that idea! Life has meaning and that all we do in this lifetime will come back to us in the next. This is what my heart wants to believe.
But my mind says something else. It says that all the evidence points towards this being it. That there is no hard proof that we are any more special than any other being that might be out there. Does us being not the only ones proof that there is no afterlife? Well no, of course not, but it points towards a much more lonely life. I think if we are not as special as we think we are. There is too much about us as a species treat each other that says that no god would allow this kind of suffering. The nightmares that we put each other thru and for what? Because we are supposed to follow some plan that allows children to die and for those who do some of the worst acts live long rich lives, what kind of plan is that? None of it makes any sense to me. Is god just a tool to keep us in line and to bend to the will of those in control?
I have no answer to any of it. And I don’t think anyone has one, at least no one, who is still alive. We will not know one way or another if we lived the right life or if we wasted our time while here till the day we die. So maybe it is best to lead the best life we can, not only just in case there is a kind of heaven, but because perhaps we can make one down here.
How much have you loved?
I can answer that easily, not enough. The Beatles once said, The love that you take is equal to the love you make, and if that is the standard we need to live by, well, I failed. I have not given back enough of the love others have given to me. I think this is true of numerous people, but I doubt that many will actually admit it. Sometimes I have acted out of pure selfishness and now, as I get older and look back at all those years, I can admit it.
Would you start over if you could?
Yes, I have various regrets that I have had in this life. Some were out of my control, but there have been some that I knew what the choice I was making was. I know they say that you should not live life having regrets, but we all have them. There is always something we wish we would have done differently. Now that’s not to say that the outcome of life would have been different, but there are things I wish I could have done different. And if not done differently, then words I would have said that I didn’t, that I held back or said in anger. There are moments in life that I wish I could do things differently.
What are your ghosts or demons?
(after a three day break to think about it) Women. Those have been my demons. Not to say that women have been bad, because they have at all, mostly. Instead, they have been my demons because they are what haunt me the most with the maybes that I have wrapped them around. They have been in a part of every single crossroads of my life. Moments when life could have gone in different directions and, be it good or bad, it always came down to women what I should do. Most of the time, they did not even know that the impact on my life was so huge. The demons have haunted me late into the night on many sleepless nights. The demons turned into nightmares because of me.
What will you feel when it is finally down to the end, if you feel anything?
I’m not sure what I will feel when that moment comes. I don’t think that many people have time to slip quietly or to have a last word. Id like to go quiet without pain. I would think that most of us what that way to go. No blaze of glory.
What would you say to Saint Peter?
I tried my best, but numerous times my best wasn’t good enough. I can only go with what they gave to me, which isn’t a lot. At some point, I would want to see the love ones from my past and cry. That’s what I would say and want to do the most, see my friends and family. I would tell Saint Peter about the joy of life that I have felt and the love that was given to me.
Who will remember you?
I would like to think that many people will, but I have no clue about that one. Everyone hopes that they have given enough joy to be remembered with smiles. I have no kids, so one has memories to carry on. In the blink of an eye ill be gone and forgotten about rather quickly, which is no grand feeling to be honest. Which is why getting my feelings out into words is so important. I hope these words live on.
What were the greatest moments of your life?
I would like to think that the best moments of my life are still to come, but in case that is not to happen, I have a few that come to mind. Getting married, as much pain and joy as we had in our short time, I would say that was an important time for me. Moving to first Texas and then New York was exciting and tied to some of the most important moments of my life. Those quiet moments on the road where it was just me and myself driving along, taken in all that this life has offered me. I cherish those times. Then there are those small moments that are tied to people, because that is what I have gone to see as the greatest things in my life, the people. From days on the beach, kisses stolen in a parked car, to running in the rain and knowing that we had something special even for a brief time. I smile when those times come to my mind.
What would the next life be like?
I think heaven, or whatever you want to call it, is what you want it to be. If you want it to be a family affair, then that’s what it would be. If you want it to be that time you made a game-winning shot and that was the peak of your life, then that would be your personal heaven. It is different for everyone and no two people are alike. So what would mine be like?
I would travel from place to place, seeing everyone I knew and spending time with them. Another hug and laugh all day long. That would be my heaven. Just me and those that matter.
Are you scared to die?
Yes, I am. I know that many will say things like, No, I’m ready or I have faith in something better. But maybe my faith isn’t that strong or if it’s even something I believe in. I do not know what comes next, and that scares me. Maybe I should be living this life the best I can since I don’t know, and that is an excellent lesson that I am learning as I go. I don’t want to go ill be fully up front with you because I like what this great world offers me so far, but could what’s next be even better? It sure could, and it also could be worse. You cannot tell me that’s not a possibility.
This is the only life that we have and we should do with it the best that we can. I have no words of wisdom beyond that and they aren’t ones that take to heart myself. There are millions of other questions that I can answer, and so these are just ten of them.